Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
