C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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