porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
