I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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