my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
