What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
