So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
