I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
