I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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