Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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