note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
