Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
