so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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