Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
