beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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