So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize