I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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