once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No subtext here. People are naked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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