I wish you could order shots online.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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