i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
