I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
