we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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