I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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