I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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