Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
