So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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