So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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