I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
