im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
