Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
