I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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