Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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