Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
