mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
