I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
