i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
