Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize