you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize