he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
