i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everyone says I win the strip club
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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