youre lurking in front of me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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