we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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