well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
