I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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