dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
