New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
