You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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