She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
