You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
