Umm I'm too high to move.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
