we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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