You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
