so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
