R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
