I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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