i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
