You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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