Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
