he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
