saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
