I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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