Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
