Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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