My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
