nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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