We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
