After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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