I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
