o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
