he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
