My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
