i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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